Chinese Vacation

Your grandma's on a walker in the old folk's home

Your grandpa lost his dentures and he's starting to foam

Your dad's inside a biker bar; he's acting like a turd

He's sittin' on a stool and yelling "play Free Bird!"

Well I'm wondering what the heck is wrong with all of your kin

Your sister stole my credit card and figured out my PIN

And the love you say you have for me is just imagination

I'm gonna send your ass on a Chinese vacation

So far away

I'm sending you away today

Down Beijing way

Across the wall you'll join the fray

And I'm feeling really gay

"˜cause you're a million miles away

You stabbed me in the heart with a plastic fork

You chewed me up and spit me out like sweet--sour pork

And when the waiter brought the bill you just expected me to pay

You ran out with some moviestar and left me here to stay

I'm wondering what the hell that I'm supposed to do

I'm sick of love and feel just like I got the flu

Well what the doctor ordered for me is some rejuvenation

I'm gonna send your ass on a Chinese vacation

So far away

I'm sending you away today

Down Beijing way

Across the wall you'll join the fray

And I'm feeling really gay

"˜cause you're a million miles away

I coulda been happy just to take any chance

I'd seduce ya, and kiss you, and search for romance

I got a chopstick reserved for you deep in my pants

But you sting just like ants

And you're making it so hard to dance

Hey, I forgot how to do the dance

Your heart is like an army that can do no wrong

You treat me like a puppet state, I'm just Taiwan

So go ahead and call the guard and call off all of your troops

My tears are just as salty as this wonton soup

And my strength is just as limp as a Chinese noodle

What the hell are you trying to feed me;

Is it pork or is it poodle?

I need a special visa from the United Nations

I'm gonna send your ass on a Chinese vacation

So far away

I'm sending you away today

Down Peking way

Across the wall you'll join the fray

And I'm feeling really gay

"˜cause you're a million miles away

But I feel so sad today

Like you're a billion miles away