Don't You Want To Share The Guilt?

Bbq food is good

You invite me out to eat it, I should

Go, but I'm feeling kind of nervous

And not quite myself

So I'm running late on purpose

And I know this wonÒ‘t help

How things have become between us

But if I go you'll give me hell

And that I donÒ‘t know how to fix it

Is making me unwell, well

I arrive at your house

But you've just got up

And you are wearing a towel

And your eyes look dark

I help to dry your body

And I see your cut

So I give you a plaster

And we cover it up

I say "Have you been crying?"

And you say "Shut Up"

So we sit in the garden

And touch the grass

With our hands

The sun is going down now

And it's been okay

You tell me all these things you did

While I was away

And this worries me somewhat

You say you're fine

Listen

Can you hear it?

Does it speak?

Will I feel it?

Will it hurt?

Am I near it?

I don't know

I don't know how more people havenÒ‘t got mental health problems

Thinking is one of those stressful things I've ever come across

And not being able to articulate what I want to say drives me crazy

I think I should try and read more books

And learn some new words

My sister used to read the dictionary

I'm going to start with that

I'd like to travel

I want to see India and the pyramids

A whale and that race with all the bicycles in France

I'm not sure about rivers, they scare me

But I love swimming, I'm good at it

And when I swim I think about numbers

And count the laps

When I was younger I saw a house burnt down

And I walked past it everyday for the next six years

Derelict, black, chalky and dangerous

I wondered if squatters lived there

I'm still not sure but I know there were never any parties cuz it was shit

After a while the council got round to tidying out the town

Making it less offensive here and there

They said it was an eyesore so they let tore it down

Behind the house was a wall with a few bits of crappy graffiti and the word 'Cunt' written on it in giant letters

And now I walk past that

I like sitting in the park

And I like walking through it

I like taking my dogs there

And friends, and I like being alone

I like flowers and simplicity

I like compassion and thoughtful gifts

I like being able to shout

But I wish I could be quiet

When I'm quiet people think I'm sad

And usually I am

Sometimes when I'm at a busy train station

Somewhere big with the noisy trains like KingÒ‘s Cross

I feel like putting down my bags and shouting things out because I've got something to say

Don't think, just try and sleep