Don't You Want To Share The Guilt?

Barbeque food is good

you invite me out to eat it i should, go

but i'm feeling kinda nervous

and not quite myself

so im running late on purpose

and i know this won't help

how things have become between us

if i go you'll give me help

and that i don't know how to fix it is making me unwell

Well, i arrive at your house but you've just got up

and you are wearing a towel and your eyes look dark

i help to dry your body and i see your cut

so i give you a plaster and we cover it up

i say have you been crying and you say shut up

so we sit in the garden and touch the grass with our hands

The sun is going down now and it's been okay

you tell me all the things you did while i was away, and this worries me some what

you say your fine

Listen, can you hear it?

does it speak, will i feel it?

will it hurt?

and i knew it

i dont know?

I dont know how all people haven't got mental health problems

thinking is one of the stressful things i've ever come across

and not being able to articulate what i want to say drives me crazy

i think i should read some more books, learn some new words

my sister used to read the dictionary i'm going to start with that

i'd like to travel i want to see india and the pyramids, a whale and that race with all the bycicles in France

i'm not sure about rivers they scare me

but i love swimming i'm good at it

and when i swim, i count the laps and this helps me relax

when i was younger i saw a house burn down and i walked past it for the next six years

derelict black chalky and dangerous i wondered if squatters lived there?

still not sure but i know there were not any parties coz it was a shit hole

after a while the council got round to tidying up the town

they decided it was an eye sore so they tore it down

behind the house there was a wall with a few bits of crappy graffiti and the word cunt written in giant letters and now i walk pass that

and i like going to the park i like walking through it

i like taking my dogs there and friends and i like being alone

i like being able to shout but i wish i could be quiet

but when i'm quiet people just think i'm sad and usually i am

sometimes when i'm at a really noisy train station, one of the ones with the big fat trains like kings cross

i feel like putting down my bags and shouting things out because i've got something to say

don't think just try and sleep!