Food Blues
I was waitin' in Rosie's Restaurant
When the waiter came up and said, "What do you want?"
Till he said, "Let me give you some advice"
He said, "Spaghetti and potatoes got too much starch,
Pork chops and sausage are bad for your heart.
There's hormones in chicken and beef and veal.
Bowl of ravioli is a dead man's meal.
Bread got preservatives, there's nitrites in ham,
Artificial coloring in jellies and jam.
Stay away from donuts. Run away from pie.
Pepperoni pizza is a sure way to die.
Sugar rots your teeth and make you put on weight.
But artificial sweetener's got cyclamates.
Eggs got cholesterol. There's fat in cheese.
Coffee ruins your kidneys, and so does tea.
Fish got mercury. Red meat is poison.
Salt's gonna send your blood pressure risin'.
Hot dogs and bologna got deadly red dyes.
Vegetables and fruits are sprayed with pesticides."
So I said, "What can I eat that's gonna make me last?"
He said, "A small drink of water in a sterilized glass."
And then he stopped and he thought for a minute,
And said, "Never mind the water -- there's carcinogenics in it."
So I got up from the table and walked out in the street
Realizing there was nothing I could eat.
I ain't eaten for a month, and I'm feeling fine...
'Cause he did not mention
Beer, whiskey, women and sweet red wine.