She had a hard-on
She had a muscle out of place
It looked peculiar
Occupying unlikely space
She saw a doctor and he cut her wide
When he saw inside he nearly died
She had a sister
She had a sibling in her groin
A small relation
With whom she didn't know she'd joined
This was a problem 'cause she'd always been
The Queen of hearts -- a spoiled only child
She called her Shirley
She dressed her in the finest clothes
But she was racked with pain
'Cause Shirley had a cuter nose
She saw a doctor and he cut the lump
And smooth the hump
To make her look much better from the side
But things are never quite that simple
They change and stay the same and fade away
Her husband left her
He didn't like her nose at all
And she blamed Shirley
Smashed her tiny head against the wall
The judge and jury watched her as she cried
Threw her inside and tossed away the key
15 years later
They let her out for being good
She made a fortune
Carving little figures out of wood
They were all Shirley but they were still and cold
She made and sold them till the day she died