I Wanna Be Evil

I've posed for pictures with Iv'ry Soap,

I've petted stray dogs, and shied clear of dope

(I've petted stray dogs, and I never mope)*

My smile is brilliant, my glance is tender

But I'm noted most for my unspoiled gender

I've been made Miss Reingold, though I never touch beer,

(I've been named Miss Perseverance year after year,)*

And I'm the person to whom they say, "Your sweet, My Dear."

The only etchings I've seen have been behind glass,

And the closest I've been to a bar, is at ballet class.

Prim and proper, the girl who's never been cased,

I'm tired of being pure and not chased.

Like something that seeks it's level

I wanna go to the devil.

Refrain

I wanna be evil, I wanna spit tacks

I wanna be evil, and cheat at jacks

I wanna be wicked, I wanna tell lies

I wanna be mean, and throw mud pies

I want to wake up in the morning

with that dark brown taste

I want to see some dissipation in my face

I wanna be evil, I wanna be mad

But more that that I wanna be bad

I wanna be evil, and trump an ace,

Just to see my partner's face.

I wanna be nasty, I wanna be cruel

I wanna be daring, I wanna shoot pool

And in the theatre

I want to change my seat

Just so I can step on

Everybody's feet

I wanna be evil, I wanna hurt flies

I wanna sing songs like the guy who cries

I wanna be horrid, I wanna drink booze

(I want to be horrid, I want to make news)*

And whatever I've got I'm eager to lose

I wanna be evil, little evil me

Just as mean and evil as I can be