If I Were Prime Minister
If I were prime minister I'd transform the land
All things would be glorious under my firm strong hand
I'd enlarge Prince Edward Island and shrink the tax on booze
If I were Prime Minister the Leafs would never lose
If I were Prime Minister French and English would be gone
There'd be no more two solitudes "˜cause we'd all speak Klingon
And I'd give my buddies jobs they weren't qualified for
Wait, I'm so sorry, I think that's been done before
If I were Prime Minister Canadians would tan
In the Gulf of Mexico where I'd move Newfoundland
If I were prime Minister I would use my power
To finally make the donut our official flower
And I'd make it illegal to sit and bitch and whine
Though that might leave Canadians with too much spare time
And I would be Prime Minister if only for one flaw
I don't think that I could ever live in Ottawa
If I were, if I were, if I were Prime Minister
If I were, if I were, if I were Prime Minister
If I were, if I were, if I were Prime Minister
If I were, if I were, if I were Prime Minister
I'd bathe in Maple Syrup and I'd have a talking moose
And Mounties would massage me to keep me nice and loose
I'd get rid of the Queen and replace it with my cat
And appointment to the Senate would be trial by combat
I'd fix all the problems of our country's apparatus
By granting ever person, nation status
I'd encourage global warming, move the jetstream further north
And I'd ban all politicians, except for me of course