Every now and then me and the missus
Will pack up our baggage and point to the north
For a trip cross the border to visit our neighbors
Oh, Canada calls us, come forth
To the land of the Mounties and little round bacon
And snow covered mountains above the equator
And there's always one thing we remember to bring
Our Canadian calculator
It's for changing the numbers from standard to metric
The ground on which all knowledge teeters
That's the price that you pay when you want to go play
In the land of the liters and meters
At first I was somewhat confused I admit when I plotted to purchase some beer
A 6-pack is what I'd intended to buy, that's a 6.33 pack up here
Then it's off to the movies, a couple of films or a double .112 feature
And one of the starlets was stunning, a most perfect 10.5625 creature
Who said changing the numbers from standard to metric
Would be something we should be using
After many attempts to convert I confess
That the whole bloody mess is confusing
What could I expect, an American citizen
Steeped in impeachment proceedings
With my tax dollars feeding political egos
And presidents lost in their leading?
There was Andrew and Nixon and now Mr. Clinton
Who's actions were sneaky and silly
But that's what we get when we place all our bets
On our Johnsons, our Dicks and our Willies
My head began spinning, I found some support
At a 12.67-Step meeting
And the 7.39-11.61 convenience store
Helped me with eating
But I knew that my days in your country were numbered
I just couldn't tell what the numbers would be
And that;s why we'll return to the land of few decimals
Ounces and inches and 2-timing, 3-s a crowd
4 on the floor, 5 card stud Motel 6's and
7-11's, behind the old 8 ball, and dressed to the 9's
To become perfect 10's
And that where this aria ends
As for changing the numbers from standard to metric
The millennium motions the way
So I'm holding my breath and I'm storing up food
And I'm gassing my car and I'm piling up wood
If I happen to be in the land to the north
I'll only have one thing to say
Here comes Y 2 .112 K