I wake up every morning
Six o'clock, I'm right on time
I eat a low fat breakfast
I tie a perfect tie
I kiss the wife, I hug the kids
I pat the dogs and cats
I never lose anything
My car keys or my hat
'Cause I'm the man of the year
I'm the man of the year
I never cheat at finals
Or miss a day at school
My urine tests are perfect
My prostate is a jewel
'Cause I'm the man of the year
I'm the man of the year
I'm the man of the year
I'm never, ever jealous
I'm never, ever cruel
I'm a graduate of Harvard
Where I never broke the rules
The Queen made me a knight
The Pope made me a saint
The President plays golf with me
I make Madonna faint
So why am I so lonely
Depressed and in despair
If I pull this trigger in my mouth
Will anybody care
It was the greatest funeral
I laid in perfect state
And later I will meet the Lord
I bet He just can't wait
To meet the man of the year
I'm the man of the year
Stand in line to meet the man
I'm the man, I'm the man, I'm the man