Mommy Dearest
Hi ma, I've come back home
'Cause I don't like this world we live in
For all my faults and failures
Please tell me I'm forgiven
I want my old womb back
My cosy cubby-hole
I want to be your child again
Before I get too old
Mummy dearest, mother mine
It's me your baby boy
I know what's lacking in your life
That old maternal joy
So lets boil up some water
No need to get a nurse
It'll be just like the virgin birth
But only in reverse
Mummy dearest, mother mine
It's me your only son
Freud would have a field day
Trying to understand this one
Let's have a natural re-entry
Most doctors say it's easier
But I've brought a butchers knife
Just in case you want a caeser
It's not some old wive's tale
Or some unfortunate wisecrack
But you could use some extra weight
And I need to take a nine month nap
And I've been good, I've been good
Now I deserve a small reward
Don't want my birthday suit
I want to wear my umbilical cords
(You know, the ones with the jumbo flare with the spot of
blood around the cuff)
Mummy dearest, mother mine
Look what the stork brought back
I don't want no damp bunk bed
I want my foetal sack
I was a sad lonely child
I wish that you'd had twins
And if you can spare the room Ma
I'd like to bring some friends
Mummy dearest, mother mine
It's me your pookie bear
I don't want to hurt you
Or soil your underwear
'Cause you're my guru, my ma
My host, my home, my mentor
We could have a three course meal
If we boil up the old placenta
(Finger lickin' good ma)