No Nurture
All I really wanted was this home,
a place to get away from all the cold.
I think I'm okay now, much more aware.
My body is failing, getting slowly there.
And we choose to remember, always the same place.
Can we move on past the outpost?
We thought that each other was all we would need.
We thought that each other was all we'd need.
Well, I had a technicolor father with mechanical parts and an on and off heart switch.
And he snapped all our plugs, dragged them out through the doorway like electrical entrails.
As they dangled behind him, intestinal, wormlike, I grabbed one and sank in my teeth.
It showed no signs of life.
As static as a starscape that pulses when the channel is missing and signal is lost,
only to be seen at night, in dreams and lucent skies.
And yes, we have found out cause it's only fair.
You've withheld the words of affection from when I cared.
Now it's too late to mend us.
We start to deteriorate but we can always remember; we would not have been the same.
If you had stayed nearby, would I have grown up in your image?
If so, then it's good that you left.
They say "like father, like son."
Is that the reason that I constantly feel like I don't exist?
I lost my fallen teeth to the bottom of the pillow.
I lost all my sleep on Christmas Eve.
And I'd do it all over for the little optimism that I harbored before you taught me to never believe.
I just can't stand to see the same old walls.
Try to leave me all alone.
I don't want to see you at all.
I can't help it. I'm bottling everything up.
You promised you would deliver me.
You promised you'd keep me safe and sound.
Father, the day you die I hope you die in a living room.
I hope the irony does not let you laugh.
I hope the life that flashes before your eyes is mine and it doesn't flash fast.
If you had stayed nearby, would you have taught me to vanish?
If so, then it's all for the best.
They say "like father, like son."
Is that the reason that every time a person loves me I find it hard to love them back?