Oh God, I'm Santa Claus!
Arrogant Worms
Christmas Turkey
Oh God, I'm Santa Claus!
Open my eyes, what a beautiful day,
Just the type that makes me want to say hurray.
I'm still a little fuzzy-headed from my sleep,
Into my brain, reality seeps.
Look all around me, can't believe what I see
These little, short people are surrounding me.
I've got a white beard, a suit made of red,
My soul becomes filled a keen sense of dread.
Chorus:
OH, GOD! I'M SANTA CLAUS!
OH, GOD! I'M SANTA CLAUS!
OH, GOD! I'M SANTA CLAUS!
OH, GOD! I'M SANTA CLAUS!
Hop out of bed, kick an elf in the chest,
What an awful way to awake from a rest.
"Santa, oh, Santa!" the little gnomes cheer,
"You shouldn't be nasty at this time of year!"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!" I say in a rage,
"And what am I doing with these big burlap bags?"
The elves, they do roar, "Well, they're full of toys,
For you to deliver to the good girls and boys!"
Chorus
Deciding my fate, I load up the sleigh,
Harness the reindeer and get underway.
It's nippy out here in the cool Arctic sky,
Good thing I remembered that bottle of rye.
Flying over rooftops, throwing out toys,
Hopefully crushing those good girls and boys.
Like a bad dream, I pray for release,
Please let this hellish existence be ceased.
Chorus
From this nightmare I finally awake,
The rein is on fire, my hands, they do shake,
But wait, they're not hands, they're cute little paws!
I'm the Easter Bunny, I'm not Santa Claus!
OH, GOD! I'M THE EASTER BUNNY!
OH, GOD! I'M THE EASTER BUNNY!
OH, GOD! I'M THE EASTER BUNNY!
OH, GOD! I'M THE EASTER BUNNY!