One Of Four (Thank You)

One of four...

My name is Ian Mathias Bavitz

I was born in 1-9-7-6 at Syosset Hospital located in Long Island, New York

I am 6 foot 4, I weigh 2-0-0 pounds

I have brown hair and green eyes

I enjoy writing songs, painting, movies and diner food

I have two brothers, Chris and Graham

and two parents, Paul and Jameija

In August of 2-0-0-1 I went crazy

This was originally not for public consumption

This was made for four people...four people that literally saved my life

They know who they are...

And ahh...I mean I could live to be a thousand years old and never repay them

I don't think this song would pay for them

But hopefully by putting it out it'll push the thank you a little further...

This ain't a burner for the whips (no it isn't)

This ain't even Aesop Rock fly earthworm demeanor (no it isn't)

My name is Ian Mathias Bavitz and I was born in Long Island, New York

Seventy-Six, before Graham and after Chris...OK

In August of 2001 my seemingly splinter-proof brain-bone scaffolding imploded.

I kept it on the hush, but nearly tumbling to the cold hard concrete on mere bodega trips for cigarettes and soda shook me to Casper.

Dizzy with a nausea chaser, motor sensory eraser, agoraphobe tunnel-vision, guilt, self-loathing arrangement rose rapidly out of a bog I'd never fished in.

That abates three separate foreign meds while I was used to hook-line-and-sinker simple fission.

Simple, primitive, self-taught easing of soul, mind and body,

but the symptoms rejected my caveman Modus Operandi.

So now it's one fish belly up through medicated mileage

And shrinks that get $250 an hour for awkward silence.

And I'd be lying if I said all of this made even the slightest fragment of sense to me, that's real.

Simply put, I don't know what happened or what's still happening.

I literally feel like I'm teetering on the blunt edge of my sanity.

JAMIE, I killed the robots and I'm sorry

Broke down in front of you, embarrassed

But you lent a heart and hand that only you could

You're one of my best friends and yes I'd take that bullet for you,

That's my word, which is about all I have left

TONY, I know you know I'm crazy, 'cause you told me

But that didn't ever bother you

I hold you as my brother 'til death

And I got your back if ever the drunk goblin step

For makin' a cat laugh when I was walking with the dead

KATHERINE, mother figure, older sister, concerned beyond limits

Letting me know I wasn't the only one with this

Continuous offers for vacation, Chicago visits

Talked me through repair of a head full of broken pistons

RIYAH, for the late night movie rentals and the company I needed

And you knew it but I just wouldn't admit it

You listened to me blab about my issues for hours

Offer incredible advice, gave me a hug when I was finished

Am I a jack of all trades?

Nope...I like to write songs though

Are they good? I dunno..

But I can tell you that I only write shit down when I believe it

So take this how you want, but know I mean it.

I want you all to know that I'm scared out my fuckin' crooked soul

And never faced a monster like the last few months ever in my whole life

I wish I could explain this better... (I can't)

But the pieces won't formulate into anything even close to cohesive

So I guess this is my feeble way to thank you

Four soldiers that extended something sacred out of the purity of kindness

I owe you all my life and please don't argue with that statement

'Cause without y'all I may not have a life to offer; take it.

Thank you.

I wish I could explain this better. (Thank you)

I'm sorry for burdening your pleasures. (Thank you)

I love you all with all that's left of me... (Thank you)

For helping try to kill what made a mess of me. (Thank you)

Somehow, someway... (Thank you)

I'ma get you back someday. (Thank you)

Just gotta figure this all out... So..

I guess it is kind of funny when you look at it from a step back

How one man can literally buckle under the same pressures other men operate normally under

I have scoped this out from all angles, multiple times

I have been over everything in my head 'till I can't think anymore

But I guess sometimes when you can't breathe there are people there

to breathe for you

I am lucky enough to have those people around me

Thank you for helping me to not die

Thank you for helping me to not die.

Pocket full of pennies and a soul gone tilt

Cockpit full of memories and a drain full of guilt