Orlando

I was sitting naked in a Holiday Inn down in Orlando

And it was the morning of the last day of the year

I didn't know who I was and I thought I might've been Evan Dando

But if I was him then what the hell was I doing here

So I asked myself one simple question

What would I do with the rest of my life?

If I knew I couldn't fail, I guess I'd get the hell out of Orlando

And find me a rich and beautiful wife

'Cause I don't want to do a damn thing

And I want to be appreciated

And I want to get paid well

And I don't want to be hated

I don't want to do a damn thing

Except lie in the sun

And be loved, loved, loved

Loved, loved by everyone

So I called up the front desk to see if I could rent a porno

They said you better have a credit card

I said, ââ‚¬½Honey, I'm pretty hard up but I ain't got no Visaââ‚¬

I said, ââ‚¬½Honey could you please, uh, help me?ââ‚¬

She said she was sorry but I think she was just disgusted

And I was kinda disgusted myself 'cause it had all come down to this

And I felt like a pervert but goddamn it gets lonely

When you're sitting in your hotel room naked as a jaybird

Down in Orlando in the middle of the night

So I called up an old friend to see how he was doing

But he sounded like a robot and it was like I barely knew him

So I said I had to go, then I couldn't take it any longer

You know the desire to throw my naked body

Out the fifth floor of the Holiday Inn kept getting stronger

I tried to take a cold shower but I couldn't get my nerve up

I just sat in that hotel room and tried to cut my own hair

That was the worst idea that I had all day

But goddamn, it gets lonely down in F L O R I D A

Then I thought to myself just what the hell was a jaybird

And just what the hell does it look like and what the hell am I doing

So I tried to write a song about it but this is all I got

You know I sang it for your girlfriend and she said she liked it a lot

Except the part about killing myself

And the part about trying to find a rich wife

She said, ââ‚¬½You should have gone to sea world

You might have had a better timeââ‚¬

I said, ââ‚¬½Honey, thanks for the input, thanks for the advice

But I think that the only way I'm ever going back to Orlando

Is if I live life twiceââ‚¬

'Cause I don't want to do a damn thing

And I want to be appreciated

And I want to get paid well

And I don't want to be hated

I don't want to do a damn thing

Except lie in the sun

And be loved, loved, loved

Loved, loved by everyone