Rudolph Rap
You've heard Dasher and Dancer and Comet and Blitzen--
Do you recall the most famous reindeer of all?
You can call me Rudy, I don't mind
You can tell me from the others by the way my nose shines
It was a point of contention, an embarrassment
How was I to know it would be heaven-sent?
I was chillin' on my own at the top of the world
The North Pole joint, with the fat boy Kris
Steps up to this fly rein-girl
She says, "Yo, homeboy, you better listen to this:
Anyone can see you got an interest in me
I can truly understand it; I'm as def as can be
From my bad Bambi tail to my hot hoof feet
I'm the sweetest little reindeer that you ever gonna meet
But you got a little nightlight at the end of your face
Every time you get excited, you illuminate the place.
Can't be your girl--ain't no way--
I don't hang with no boy who ain't pulling the sleigh
So beat feet. Scram. You hear what I'm sayin'?
Shiny-nosed sucker, go away, I ain't playin'"
She was--she was--it's true
She was cold; I was down, I ain't lyin' to you.
That Bambi-shakin' rein-girl left me sad and blue
But I promised myself I'd have her for my own
Cuz it was Christmas Eve, and I was all alone
Kris Kringle, that cat, was in a jam alright
He didn't have his Ever-ready's ready that night
He said, "Yo, homeboy, with your incandescent snoot
I need your help to deliver this loot."
I said, "Dang. For real? You got to be jivin'.
You gonna hook me to the brunt of the ride that you be drivin'?"
He said, "Yo, I'm as serious as a heart attack
I got a lot of little goodies in my Santa Claus sack.
But the fog is so thick and so dark and so black
I can't see my way there, much less get back."
Wha-wha-well, the next thing you know,
I'm in front of the sleigh
I say, "Yo, this is dope. We be on our way."
And the rest, as they say, is history.
I got the Bambi-shakin' rein-girl next to me.
She says, "Oh, Rudy!"
I say, "Yo. Slide me some HOOF."