He got married for protection
She got married for the wine
They committed to the role reversal
With all the passion they could find
They decided on a story
One to settle with the gaps
It developed into half a legend
As the gossip was applied
She is witchhazel and blue bubblegum
And she needs a friend more than he needs her
She gets passed around in the cheaper straits
She gets passed around in pregnant stories
He got married for direction
She got married for the cause
They agreed to find a compromise which
Somehow didn't suit them both
He got lost among her stories
Some of which were nearly true
She depended on his full attention
He depended on the time
She needs oxygen for her favorite love
And she tends to smoke more than give it up
She gets passed around in the air tonight
She gets passed around in pregnant stories
Halfway to the hospital, Matthew put his clothes on
He didn't want to be that guy who shows up with his balls out
Drinking from an empty can and bleeding on the nurses
He rushed into the parking lot and fell beneath an ambulance
"Help me, I didn't want my own life!"
He screamed at anybody who could hear,
"But I definitely didn't want to change so much
That the angels in the mirror couldn't recognize me"
He was saved by the kindly paramedic
Who wiped him down and pulled him to his feet
But now he knows the truth about his former life
She'll be passed around at parties in his sleep