"Borrow my car and then you give her the test."
"What? The Mario test?"
"Mario? Mario's a fucking psycho."
It's 1986, I'm in the first grade
I'm working really hard to get Mario laid
I gotta save the Princess so he can get the pussy
Believe me: Mario will get that ass so fuck Luigi
Mario really wants to get her in bed
So bad that he's busting up bricks with his head
He just wants sex so forget the wedding bells
Jumping on little mushroom men and turtle shells
Dropping down green pipes and secret passageways
Making his move to the end where the final castle lays
Eat a magic mushroom, grow a little higher
Eat a white flower and spit balls of fire
All these creatures that attack won't cut Mario slack
Oh shit, hold on. I'll be right back.
I'm gonna beat the game if it takes me all summer
It's gotta be hard to get laid if you're a plumber
That's why I'm gonna work extra hard for my man
And get him to the end so he can stop using his hand
Mario doesn't wanna get hit, he'll shrink
The Princess won't fuck a little kid, I think
So stay grown and attend to your own
And eventually the Princess will attend to your bone
Save the Princess quick
Because she wants a dick
And if you let her free
You get the pussy
Save the Princess quick
Because she wants a dick
And if you let her free
You get the pussy
Bowser's trying to get head right now from the Princess
But if it's up to me that shit'll stop this instance
Cloud people throwing little spiked animals
Green plants with teeth that attack like cannibals
I heard nobody's yet run in the Princess' oven
And Mario always says "Virgins. I love them"
I hate the Koopa troopers so I'm gonna run up
And jump on the back of their shells till I get 1-Up
I'm gonna keep playing and I'm never gonna quit
Cuz some kid in school told me you could see the Princess' tits
I wanna be there before any of my friends do
So I can say I put pussy upon Mario's menu
At the end of each level I jump and get the flag
And say to myself another castle in the bag
I hope Bowser's ready cuz he's in for a ride
And Mario's serious when it comes to homicide
The Princess is a freak even though she has class
Mario will take a plunger and put it in her ass
I hate the cannons, that shit at you constantly