A grimy crew are marching by
In the shopping malls and stores
They aren't fully satisfied
They want another war to end all wars
There's the war on drugs and homelessness
Like the war on poverty
They can talk about them 'til they're blue in the face
But there's not enough blood to see
Singin' "Hey! Is everybody ready?
Ready on the cannon? Ready on the guillotine?
Ready on the tanks and torture chambers?
Ready for the best war you've ever seen?"
Well our enemies were so clear cut
Only twenty years ago*
But the whole world's turned around since then
And the men are feelin' sluggish and slow
The bad guys then are the good guys now
They don't know who they're supposed to fight
But they know they wanna do a lot of killing soon
And they'd like to get started tonight
Singin' "Hey! Is everybody ready?
Ready on the cannon? Ready on the guillotine?
Ready on the tanks and torture chambers?
Ready for the best war you've ever seen?"
Oh, maybe we can kill those radicals
Who'd burn our flag so true
Maybe we can kill rap music stars**
Or put "˜em all in a big zoo
Maybe we can kill the vegetable lovers
And the homosexuals too
Or maybe we'll just kill you
You know you never can tell what a person like you might do
Oh yeah
Their blood pressure rises
With every day without the first blow
The whole world's already shaken up
You know a battle's coming soon, you know
What's the harm in a little war?
The fighting turns boys to men
And now that nuclear bombs have hit the peace tom-toms
We can have a front line again
And we'll go in "¦
Singin' "Hey! Is everybody ready?
Ready on the cannon? Ready on the guillotine?
Ready on the tanks and torture chambers?
Ready for the best war you've ever seen?"
Don't move too fast or they're gonna getcha
Cuz you know their trigger finger's itchy
And they're all just singin'
"Hey! Is everybody ready?
(Ready to defend your noble Uncle Sam?)
Ready on the cannon? Ready on the guillotine?
(Ready to kill the crummy scum who don't give a damn?)
Ready on the tanks and torture chambers?
(Ready for another chance to win Vietnam?)
Ready for the best war you've ever
Ready for the best war they've ever
Ready for the best war there's ever been?