Every day in lunch in high school
And all of my senior year
I'd drink my Coca-Cola
With a touch of Everclear
I never had to study math
Science or history
I'd have a chemical flashback
To jog my memory
Well, my junior year I swore I loved
Sweet Miss Sherrie Ann
One night I put some Everclear
In her Dr. Pepper can
I thought it'd make her easy
But she took it pretty hard
I took her home and rang her doorbell
Left her layin' in the yard
CHORUS:
Tequila dries me out
And beer just makes me fat
Whiskey makes me nauseous
Tell me who the hell needs that
If you're thinkin' about drinkin'
Well, the answer's crystal clear
It's the invisible intoxicant
It's called Everclear
I remember my church picnic
In the spring of '89
Yeah, they had four fresh watermelons
Sliced right off the vine
When they bowed their heads
Givin' grace for the food
Hey, I pulled out my bottle
And I soaked them melons good
They never knew what hit 'em
When the potion went to work
They had grandmas doin' backflips
Grandpas lookin' up their skirts
They were singin' hallelujah
And Willie Nelson songs
Preacher said it was the best dang picnic
That the Baptists have ever thrown
CHORUS
When I'm drinkin' Everclear
I think I'm king of this whole world
I'm bigger and badder than John Wayne
And cooler than Steve Earle
Until I wake up
And I'm face down in the hall
Hey, I'm completely naked
For a reason I can't recall
Well, I'm kinda sorta thinkin'
That maybe I met a chick
'Cause there's perfume in the air
And there's lipstick on my neck
And I hope that she was pretty
And I hope that she was kind
Enough to leave my clothes somewhere
They're easy to find
CHORUS