Roy taught me how to play baseball and do the foxtrot on the harp
Taught me how to swim and fish and tell the difference between bass and carp
Taught me how to snap my fingers, whistle through my teeth oh Uncle Roy
He sure took time to make times good for a little pesty half grown boy
Aunt Kathleen would wash my clothes and blow my nose whenever nature called
Darn my socks and damn the pox that kept me out of school from fall to fall
Gave me movie money though I never did my chores the way I should
To a nasty little nephew Kathleen you sure made aunthood awful good
And Freddy used to laugh at me whenever something valuable got broke
He taught me how to climb a tree, about birds and bees, and taught me how to smoke
He took me on my first date, I was scared to death but he said you'll do fine
Good buddy you're my cousin but you seem more like a brother of mine
But you can't go home to the good times you can't go home anymore
Roy's all crippled up now
Kathleen can hardly see
Freddy's off somewhere to fight a war
But you can't go home to the good times you can't go home anymore
Everything has changed and who were there to blame
Gone far that you just can't go home
Looking back I'd say I had the best childhood that money just can't buy
And I owe it all to three good folks who took me in when mom began to die
They always told me son just do what's right and you'll be proud just wait and see
Well Roy and Kathleen I'm only proud that you're the ones who's proud of me
But you can't go home to the good times you can't go home anymore
Roy's rheumatism, Kathleen's cataract, and Freddy's fightin' someone else's war