Call Me

Call me Efrem Zimbalist,

Get me Bobby Kennedy,

Then call Dave Ben-Gurion, too.

Then tell Carol Baker I'm home, now;

Tell her Mastroianni sends love from Rome now.

Then get Hank Mancini

And tell him Fred Fellini is waiting;

Where the heck is the song?

Order Scotch and ice and then

Ring up Barbra Streisand and

Then set up a conference call

With Sammy Davis and Charles de Gaulle.

Call me Walter Cronkite

And tell him Nancy Dickerson said

That David Brinkley was wrong.

Then get Conrad Hilton in Bombay;

Tell him Tuesday night I want peaches flambe.

Call Chief Justice Warren

And tell him Sophie Loren is worried;

Is she married or not?

Then call Arthur Schlesinger;

No, no, send a messenger

With the saddest news of the bunch:

Tell Lady Bird I'll be late for lunch.

Dial up Liberace

And, while up, Joe Valachi

And tell him Lucky sends his regards.

Find out where Onassis' barge is;

Call him, ship-to-shore, and reverse the charges.

Locate Melvin Belli

And tell Mel One-Eye Felli was scratched

By Princess Margaret's rose.

Then call Lollabrigida,

This week she's in Wichita,

And then, when you reach Cary Grant,

Tell him I'd love to, but I just can't.