Headline News
Once, there was this kid who
Took a trip to Singapore and brought along his spray paint
And when he finally came back
He had cane marks all over his bottom
He said that it was from when
The warden whacked it so hard
Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm
(*whip* sound) Ahh
Once there was this girl who
Swore that one day she would be a figure skating champion
And when she finally made it
She saw some other girl who was better (*ding* sound)
And so she hired some guy to
Club her in the kneecap
Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm
(*thwack* sound) Ahh
Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm
They got paid for their sound bites
And sold their TV movie rights
And then, there was this guy who
Made his wife so mad one night that she cut off his weiner
And when he finally came to
He found that Mr. Happy was missing
He couldn't quite explain it
It'd always just been there
Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm, mmm mmm mmm mmm
Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)
Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)
Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)
Ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Were), ahh ahh (There) ahh ahh (Is)
(There were, there is)
(There were, there is)