shaking. sweating. losing all the colors in my face. i was at a party when it happened. everybody does it. nobody admits it. chanting. singing. crying alone to empty ears. dreaming up religions i can live with. and if i can feel it i don't have to prove it. why give it a name? she won't be back. and april has passed. right under the skin. it's just a disease. one that [won't?] last.