This is a song for Phil Daoust
Occasional Guardian newspaper journaloust
I never ever ever mentioned your name
Or the review that you wrote when I was new to this game
But now the time has come
I think I've dealt with my feelings at last
I really want to forgive you Phil
Yeah I want to put the past in the past
And as this London town
I thought I oughta take the opportunity
There's a pretty good chance that someone out there will know you
Maybe they will pass on a message for me
Just wanna say Phil Daoust
Occasional Guardian newspaper journaloust
That it's been three years since you wrote it
And time is very healing
But I still want to cut big chunks of flesh out of your stupid face
And make your children watch while I force you to eat them
Yeah I wanna make your children watch you eat your own face meat
Ding dang ding dang dong
This is my Phil Daoust song
Everybody sing along
Lalalalalala I hope one of your family members dies
Phil Ding dang dong
I've written you this special song
To help you get the attention
You obviously desperately lack
And I know that you're a smart man
And with such a fine mind I guess it has to be hard
To resist throwing narcissistic intellectual tantrums
In the supermarkets isles of your self-regard
Just want to say Phil Daoust
I know it must be really tough to be a journalaoust
What with deadlines always looming
And the pressure to be entertaining
So maybe you should quit and get a job that you'd be better at
Like killing yourself you fucking cunt
Ding dang ding dang dong
This is my Phil Daoust song
Everybody sing along
Tralalalalala I hope something you love catches on fire
Ding dang ding dang dong
I've written you this special song
To show how far I've come along
In my efforts to be more mature in the face of negative feedback
You fucking poo face