When I Was a Lad

When I was a lad, I went to Yale

And I knew then that I could never fail

For I studied very hard and furthermore

I polished up the apple for the professor

(He polished up the apple for the professor)

I polished up the apple so frequently

That soon I had a Phi Beta Kappa Key

(He soon had a Phi Beta Kappa key

From polishing the apple very frequently)

On graduation day, I made a stop

At a very exclusive clothing shop

I opened up a charge account and asked them for

The best grade flannel in the clothing store

(The best grade flannel in the clothing store)

That suit was a part of a great intrigue

For it proved I was a member of the Ivy League

(It was part of a great intrigue

For it proved he was a member of the Ivy League)

Then I got a crew cut and a sincere tie

And for my first job I did apply

A job in an advertising agency

Sharpening the pencils of a big VP

(Oh, he honed a lot of pencils for a big VP)

I sharpened all the pencils so pointedly

That now I am a partner in the agency

(He sharpened all the pencils so pointedly

That now he is a member of the agency)

I kept my ears open and my big mouth shut

And I learned all the agency's scuttlebutt

I learned who was going out with whom

And who had the keys to the powder room

(And who had the keys to the powder room)

For the keys to the powder room you see

Is the key to the structure of the agency

(The keys to the powder room is the key

To the structure of the agency)

I worked real hard for the dear old firm

I learned most every advertising term

I said to the men in the dark gray suits

"Let's run it up the flagpole and see who salutes"

(Let's run it up the flagpole and see who salutes)

I ran it up the flagpole perfectly

So now I am a partner in the agency

(He ran it up the flagpole perfectly

So now he is a partner in the agency)

Now, I have a big office at the end of the hall

With very fancy carpeting from wall to wall

I keep my mouth open and I keep my ears shut

And I've got a little palace in Connecticut

(And he's got a little palace in Connecticut)

So, I thank old Yale, and I thank the Lord

And I also thank my father who was Chairman of the Board

(And he's grateful to his father

Yes, he's grateful to his father

Yes, he's grateful to his father

Who was Chairman of the Board)