As I look across America, home of Mom and apple pie,
I will promise to take care of ya', still I hang my head and cry.
Those Democrats grow greedier, trying to take our guns away,
And they use the liberal media, to turn all our children gay.
They control all three of the branches, soon they'll call their federallies.
Have them invade all our ranches, and our monster truckin' rallies.
But there's one man we can count on, who can save us from despair.
God bless Stephen Colbert.
From the shores of Carolina, home of the Charleston Chew.
There's no pundit that is finer, he's America, and so can you!
Who's the talk show host with strong wrists? Who will 'Cheat Death' to it's face?
Who on Time's 100 Most Influential lists has a treadmill up in space?
Now my parents, kids, and my spouse, we would follow him through Hell.
And we'll put him in the White House, in the year 2012.
Now I'm in the Colbert Nation, my allegiance I will swear!
God bless Stephen Colbert.
I used to watch Bill O'Reilly, from an iPod in my tractor,
But that Colbert's much more Wiley, when he breaks down every Factor.
Just forget about Sean Hannity, he's too meek and needs to hush.
Glen Beck has lost his sanity. Limbaugh pops pills for the Rush.
Stephen always fights for truth and justice and the American way,
And he'll say the things uncouth that wuss Jon Stewart's too scared to say.
And forget about Geraldo, who once got hit by a chair.
God bless Stephen Colbert.
He will warn us with the Threat-down, of some strangers with some candy.
And occasionally will get down, in a dance-off that is dandy. [Stephen:] Raaaiiin!
If you're some district's politician, you 'Better Know' him, gain his favor.
He's like Tek Janson on a mission. He's Ben & Jerry's favorite flavor.
Well the Pope should have him canonized, everyone would show their reverence,
Big or small-
[Reducto:] I'll make you travel-sized!
[Phil Ken Sebben:] Ha ha! Obscure reference!
Hell yeah, he's got a bird, man! Stephen Jr.'s in the air!
God bless Stephen Colbert.
[Stephen:] Thank you ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Colbert Report, thank you"¦ Nation,
I tip my hat to George Bush, and the shows that Fox News airs.
Wag my finger at the sore tush, of those who try to make friends with bears.
Critics comment on my goofiness, but that's really just absurd,
'cause I always bring the 'Truthiness'"¦ And that's 'The Word'.
[Women's choir:] And that's 'The Word!'
[Stephen:] Jimmy, juice it!
With his black pistol named 'Sweetness', see him sticking to his gun.
[Women's choir:] Ah, ah, ah, ah"¦ See him sticking to his gun!
He'll defend the things he treats best, all the Emmys that he's won.
[Women's choir:] Ah, ah, ah"¦ And a Peabody!
And he supports all our armed forces, by shaving off his hair.
[Women's choir:] Shaving off his hair!
[SFX: hair trimmer buzz] [Stephen:] Uh, wait, Mr. President, wait! Noooo!
God"¦
[Women's choir:] Oh yes our American-
God bless Stephen Colbert!
[Women's choir:] God bless Stephen Colbert!