When I was a young chap, just a little bouncing boy
My family was not wealthy so I had to make do
With second-hand pyjamas and a single wooden toy
A dinosaur my daddy made with balsa wood and glue
But when I turned 13 and to high school off I trotted
I knew immediately that my dino wouldn't do
Cause I had noticed all the toys the other boys had gotted
And I couldn't help myself I wished that I had got them to
CHORUS
My daddy made a dinosaur with balsa wood and glue
But before too long I knew that my dino wouldn't do
When I was 15 years old I first turned to thieving
To satiate my craving to having things the other kids had
I stole an gnarly skateboard from a skateboard shop one evening
It had bodacious fluoro railing and a wicked fluoro skidpad
By the following Monday morning the skateboarding turned to boredom
My appetite for skating was abating in a flash
So I sold my board and bought a pair of flippers and a snorkel
But soon I balked at snorkling forked my snorkel in the trash
CHORUS
My daddy made a dinosaur with balsa wood and glue
But before too long I knew that my dino wouldn't do
At 18 I managed hedge funds and got fat by drinking beer
At 20 I owned 7 cars and houses on the coast
I fell in love at 23 with a Swedish girl called Mia
I bought a 200 quid toaster with which Mia made me toast
At 28 I went through like a Buddhist kind of thing
And decided the material world and I were through
I hooked up with some Buddhist chicks who said that they were twins
But they didn't look that similar and they did stuff twins don't do
CHORUS
My daddy made a dinosaur with balsa wood and glue
But before too long I knew that my dino wouldn't do
But now I'm 47 stone and 31 years old
I have a kitchen staff of 12 on call 24 hours a day
And a page 3 girl I pay to lick chocolate from my folds
And a rent boy called Llewellyn though I'm neither Welsh nor gay
Now to those who judge my lifestyle to be gluttonous and brash
And critise my excess aquisition and consumption
I say that critics of the wealthy are just those who don't have cash
And who have never had a prostitute spread Marmite on their scrotum
CHORUS
My daddy made a dinosaur with balsa wood and glue
But before too long I knew that my dino wouldn't do
My father died a year ago to dust he's now returned
And I found my wooden dinsoaur which all these years has lasted
And I cremated it and put it with Dad's ashes in an urn
Below a gravestone with three words on it; "stingy bastard"
My daddy made a dinosaur with balsa wood and glue
Which is all very quaint, but I'd rather eat foie-gras inside a Porsche