(Spooky Sound Begins)
R: Hey there! Do you like transvestites?!
M: Yeah.
R: Do you like fishnets?!
M: Uh-huh.
R: Do you like Tipper Gore?!
M: Tss"¦ No.
R: Good, cause you won't find her here! This is the Rocky Horror Picture Show!
And for you, it's only $5! Step right in!
M: Thanks.
R: Say no more virgin! Now, pull down your pants!
(Music Begins)
*SFX: Rain, Door*
Riff: Hello.
Brad: Hi. My name's Brad Majors. This is my fiancée, Janet Weiss. I was wondering if you might help us.
Riff: You're wet.
Janet: Yes"¦ it's raining.
*SFX: Rain, Thunder*
Riff: I think perhaps you'd better both"¦ come inside.
Wu-Wugga-Woo-WAAAAAAAH! Welcome to the Rocky Horror
Picture Show! Say hello to the freaks and whores
and get popped, ya cherry virgin groupie!
[F: UHH!] Ohh! [F: UHH!] Ohh! [F: UHH!] Okay, start the movie.
Read my lips about an asshole who's known as Brad.
The most uptight juggalo that Denton ever had,
and Janet, she's got a broomstick handle sticking up her butt"¦
*I got it!* [SFX: -pop!] "¦we call her slut! [M: UHH!]
Chucky narrates the story, somewhere near a castle.
*Blam!* You know what that means? There went your tire, asshole!
Handyman Riff and Domestic Magenta said "˜Heck, we'll help!' *Or had they?*
Chuck! Bbbb! Where is your neck?!
Guess what? We're all havin' a party! So take a chance "˜
see Columbia do a little folk dancin'.
Take your clothes off. There's no need to worry.
Oh wait, who's that? In the lift? Ahh! It's Tim Curry! (-slam!)
*Sample from Shock Treatment*
R: Welcome to the Rocky Horror!
You're in for a fright... You're in for a fright"¦ Come to see Rocky Horror, baby.
It will be all right"¦ It will be all right"¦ Welcome to the Rocky Horror, baby.
Meet a transvestite... Meet a transvestite"¦ Come to see Rocky Horror, baby.
Each Saturday night"¦ Each Saturday night"¦ Welcome to the Rocky Horror, baby.
Janet: What kind of place is this?
Brad: Ah, It's probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos. (-slam!)
Frank hit the scene like a fairy Fred Estaire.
He made a monster who sports golden underwear.
He was a tanned and toned blonde by the name of "Rocky."
[Frank: That's no way for you to be acting on your first day out!] Sorry!
Look at Eddie. [M: What?] He thinks that he can kick it.
I'mma have to take that meatloaf and pick it! *splak!*
Soon it was bedtime, and sorta like Déjà vu,
Frank not only did Janet, he did Brad, too!
Rocky broke loose, looking for a skank.
He touched Janet in the fish tank!
If you're down, shout, "Word to Richard O'Brien!"
Brad says "Great Scott", then T.P. goes a flyin'!
[Beat Box] "“ I represent Riff Raff.
[Beat Box] "“ Magenta's my sis.
[Beat Box] "“ We're comin' outta Southwest"¦
[Beat Box] "“ Denton, Bitch!
Dinner? Sure! The whole cast eats at eight.
"˜Cept Eddie though, "˜cuz he's sittin' on your plate.
*I knew he was in with a bad crowd"¦* Who you talkin' to?
Another planet, shmanet, Janet, dammit, AAH, FU- (-slam!)
*Sample from Shock Treatment*
R: Welcome to the Rocky Horror!
You'll have a good laugh"¦ You'll have a good laugh"¦ Come to see Rocky Horror, baby.
Chillin' with Riff Raff"¦ Chillin' with Riff Raff"¦ Welcome to the Rocky Horror, baby.
Columbia cried"¦ Columbia cried"¦ Come to see Rocky Horror, baby.
When Eddie got fried"¦ When Eddie got fried"¦ Welcome to the Rocky Horror, baby.
Janet: Look, I'm cold, I'm frightened, and I'm just plain scared!
Brad: I'm here, there's nothing to worry about. (-slam!)
It's"¦ just"¦ a jump"¦ to the left"¦
Then take a step way over to the right-tah!
Put"¦ your"¦ hands"¦ on your hips"¦
Then bring your KNEES in so very tight-tah!
Then"¦ it's"¦ the pel"¦ "“vic thrust"¦
It really DRIVES yo-ou insa-ane!
Let's"¦ Do"¦ the Time"¦ Warp!"¦
Slam a can of Faygo "“ Do the Time Warp again!
Luke Ski's down with the Seduction Production"¦
with Cindi, Zac, and Fanboy [M: What about "˜em?] Nuttin!
Frank set the stage. He gave each a feather boa.
And together they perform [THE FLOOR SHOW!]
Riff and Magenta's had enough, so they pulled a switch.
Will poor Frankie go home? Ha-ha-ha-ha "“ NO!
They took the freak out, and flew the castle home.
Run along, stupid bitch, you can't use the phone! (-slam!)
(Music Stops.)
R: Don't let the door hit'cha where Frankfurter did'ja! Bitch! (-slam!)
*Sample "“ End of the Time Warp*