Three Balloons

I call you from my car to say I'll be there in awhile

A short plan ride and I will get to see your pretty smile.

There's nothing on the radio; I'd fiddled the dial

Then I see a sign: the airport is just another mile

I check my bags and think about how much I hate to fly,

And as I near security I almost start to cry.

Well I hope the law enforcement agent's can't tell from my face,

I got three balloons of coke in an uncomfortable place.

I'm sweating and I'm nervous and I need a little air,

'Cuz with four balloons of heroin, it's getting crowded up in there.

Crowded up in there.

My mind is all a-jumble and my blood is cold as ice.

I dread the thought of having to unload this merchandise.

Relax, I say, it's not so bad; it might be kinda nice,

Besides who hasn't had a finger up there once or twice.

I must remember don't leave any drugs inside the host;

I did that once and a girl who tossed my salad overdosed.

Well I say a little prayer "Hail Maria Full Of Grace",

I've got three balloons of coke in an uncomfortable place.

I'm sweating and I'm nervous and I need a little air,

And i swear i'm farting lines of blow into my underwear.

Ooh, from my derriere.

I was a little eager when I loaded up my stash

Five balloons of ecstacy, six balloons of hash,

Eight balloons of LSD, nine of sexy mild,

A box of Chinese fireworks, a Guatemalan child.

I made it to the gate and now my joy I can't contain.

I board the aircraft, take my seat in the cockpit of the plane-

As I taxi down the runway I get a smile on my face,

And I've got three baloons of coke in an uncomfortable place.

Flight crew, prepare for takeoff, as I lift us the air,

And by the way does anyone want to buy a Guatemalan child.

Oh, from my derriere.

I got Three balloons...

I got Three balloons...

I got Three balloons...