Two cockatoos met in an avery
One said to the other, "I really like your hair, do you like me?"
The other replied, "It's actually called a crest.
Can't you even get a simple pick-up line right?"
Birds can be just like humans, you know
I met a bird that reminded me of you
I told him I loved him so much
I'd walk a million kilometres just to feel the touch of his wings
But what he said to me next was not exactly the desired response
He said:
"Why don't you pronounce it kil-o-metres?
It sounds better pronounced kil-o-metres.
You pronounced it kilo-metres.
I prefer kil-o-metres."
Mr. Birdy asked me the time
I answered quarter to nine
He replied, "That's a digital watch,
Why didn't you say eight forty-five?"
And then I poured him a glass of water
He said "I don't drink tap water.
Imagine all the rust that touched
Before it even reached the glass.
You can shove it up your arse!"
I was disgusted
My tap's aren't rusted
And I decided to rip off his little beak
It's now become my favourite guitar pick
I gave him a formal funeral
And all his family came along
To explain the way he died
I sang this very song
They pecked me quite a lot
But we ended up agreeing
He was the result of unsuccessful bird inbreeding
I killed a squawker with obsessive compulsive disorder
I killed a squawker with obsessive compulsive disorder
The same disease as Jack Nicholson's character in As Good As It Gets