U.F.O. (Ugly, Fat & Old)
I mow the lawn with my church socks on cuz i'm
UGLY FAT AND OLD
I don't drop acid but my stomach's full of acid cuz I'm
UGLY FAT AND OLD
My stomach bounces when I brush my teeth cuz i'm
UGLY FAT AND OLD
I leer at girls and I talk to squirrels cuz I'm
UGLY FAT AND OLD
It's my intention to build an invention to make me virile again
Binging and purging, I feel myself thinning
I fit in my trousers again
Pull my finger and i'll break some wind cuz i'm
UGLY FAT AND OLD
Hey, you kids, get off of my lawn cuz i'm
UGLY FAT AND OLD
My lower back is killing me cuz i'm
UGLY FAT AND OLD
I need to speak to your supervisor
UGLY FAT AND OLD

It's my intention to find a young vixen that I can confuse and deceive
Our kiss in the moonlight was perfect until she swallowed my false teeth
I clean out my ears with my car keys cuz i'm UGLY FAT AND OLD
I talk about my prostate while I float in the jacuzzi cuz i'm UGLY FAT AND OLD
I don't smell like I used to smell cuz i'm UGLY FAT AND OLD
I don't care what all of you say cuz I'm UGLY FAT AND OLD