Ooh, I've been terribly unlucky the last couple of weeks
If I fell in a barrel of tits
I would have come out sucking my thumb!
What I need is something to make it all better
I'll tell you some of the things that have happened...
I've had a touch of writers' block
And I couldn't write a song
My cock's been really itchy
I'm sure there's something wrong
My girlfriends' Mum & Dad decided
I wasn't an appropitiate suitor
PC World grassed me up to the pigs
For what they found on my computer
My lottery number's all came up
But I forgot to get a ticket
I went to have a wank over Countdown
But it was cancelled for the cricket
We'd sold two thousand downloads
But was ineligible for the charts
And I singed my cock and bollocks
Trying to light one of my farts
You've had a bad day, it was really shite
A nice cup of tea will make it alright
So your girlfriend got raped and your dog has died
Have a cup of tea, it will all be alright
Have a cup of tea
A lovely cup of tea
Pop a teabag in a cup
Pour hot water and top it up
Add as much milk as required
And some sugar if desired
I wrote my car off, hit a wall
And ended up in someone's garden
I took Viagra a week ago
And I can't get rid of this hard-on
My bird dumped me and won't return my calls
So I can't get closure
I got arrested outside a school
On suspiscion of indecent exposure
I fell arse over tit running for the bus
And ripped a hole in my best slacks
Then I had tummy ache on the bus till late
I farted and shit my cacks
Sod's law and habit, just like my car
My pants were a total write-off
I had to go in B&Q bogs
To try and wipe all of the shite off
You've had a bad day, it was really poo
Have a cup of brew and it won't be so blue
You got sacked from your job and raped in the gob
Have a cup of tea and it will all seem peachy
Have a cup of tea
A lovely cup of tea
Have a cup of tea