Come on Cliff, admit you're queer
Are you worried about Jesus or is it your career?
If you just come out the closet you can take it up the rear
Come on Cliff, admit you're queer
Was it Sue Barker who put you off a gash
Did she serve up a waffy wank or give your cock a forehand smash?
Or was it Hank Marvin who made you keep it underground
Did he threaten that The Shadows would follow you around?
Or maybe you were put off by Olivia Newton John
Were you performing cunnilingus when she suddenly blobbed on?
Or maybe you were just about to tongue her up the quim
When she suddenly got physical and farted on your chin
Or was it Una Stubbs' slot you were about to lick
When you found a bit of carrot and asked "Is this some kind of trick?"
But suddenly it dawned on you, 'was the last bloke sick?'
But it turned out it had just snapped off poor old Wurzel's dick
Or perhaps you never wanted to stick it in a lady's hole
'Cause you had a crying, talking, sleeping, walking blow-up doll
I don't think your fans would care if you turned out to be gay
They're all too old to get a fucking moist-on anyway
Come on Cliff, admit you're queer
Are you worried about Jesus or is it your career?
If you just come out the closet you can take it up the rear
Come on Cliff, admit you're queer
Come on Cliff, admit you're gay
Are you worried about Jesus or what the papers say?
If you just come out the closet you can suck on cocks all day
Come on Cliff, admit you're gay
Backbum, backbum, take it up the backbum
Backbum, backbum, take it up the backbum
Backbum, backbum, take it up your backbum
Come on Cliff, admit you're queer