Now if you want to be a proper bloke
Despite what you might think
It's not about how much you smoke
Or if you can hold your drink
It's not even how many times
You've potted the pink
The thing that makes you manly
Is your pubes
I don't care if you're muscly
Or can bench-press 200 pounds
It doesn't matter if your knob's so long
It drags along the ground
'Cause after extensive research
I can reveal I've found
The thing that makes you manly
Is your pubes
It's your pubes, it's your pubes
The hairs around your privates, that's your pubes
So, don't you shave them back
Let 'em sprout around your sack
Because the thing that makes you manly
Is your pubes
It doesn't matter if you're popular
Or skilful at football
Or got a hard job like a bouncer
It makes no difference at all
'Cause if your cock's like a plucked turkey
It all goes to the wall
Because the thing that makes you manly
Is your pubes
Now some people call me a hypocrite
Because I like a shaven quim
But I point out Samson and Delilah
And look what happened to him
She snuck into his bedroom
While he was having a snooze
And the poor sod, he lost all his strength
Because she shaved off all his pubes!
'Cause it's your pubes, it's your pubes
They're like your corey's hairdo, that's your pubes
So keep your pube's alive
They should look like the Jackson 5
Because a lot of the greatest Britons
Have had great pubes
Winston Churchill - he had a lot of pubes
Willy Shakespeare - he had a lot of pubes
Kevin Keegan - he had a lot of pubes
Brian Blessed - he had a lot of pubes
Geoff Capes - he had a lot of pubes
Fred West - he had a lot of pubes
The 1966 World Cup winning team
Yeah, man! They had a lot of pubes
'Cause it's your pubes
The hairs around your ding-dong-diddly, that's your pubes
So just go with the flow
Don't trim 'em, let 'em grow!
'Cause the thing that makes you manly, it's your pubes