Well, I was at a family wedding and to be frank
I was thinking about fucking off home 'cause it was proper wank
The free bar had run out and so I decided to leave
When all of a sudden this little kid came up to me
He said: "I've heard some words in the playground I don't understand
For example, anus, front bottom and mammary glands"
Before I knew it he clambered up and was sat on my knee
And he said: "Uncle Kunt, will you tell me 'bout the birds and the bees?"
So, I stopped, scratched my head
And then I said...
"Well, your Dad, he took his cheesy pole
Which he stuck in Mummy's fishy hole
Then he moved it in and out, in and out, in and out
Until little tadpoles come out"
"But the thing is, you see, my Mum is a lesby friend
And neither her or my other Mummy has got a bell-end
They've both got vaginas so I'm confused you see
Without any cocks or mens milk, how the fuck did they make me?"
So, I stopped, scratched my head
And then I said...
"Mmm... well, they probably found some bloke and got
Him to wank into a yoghurt pot
And then she put the jizz into a syringe
And squirted it up her minge
So, your Daddy brought his cheesy pole off into a pot of Benecol
Then again, the pot might have been Ski
But either way it was white wee wee
And that's the birds and the bees