When I came home the other day
My Mum couldn't look me in the eye
When I checked under my bed
I found the reason why
My pile of rhythm magazines
Was nowhere to be seen
I found them in the wheelie bin
With an empty can of Mr. Sheen
CHORUS:
My Mum found my wank mags
Now she thinks I'm vile
My Mum found my wank mags
I had a massive pile
My eyesight is failing, I've got hairs on my hands
All because I can't stop playing with my glands
My Mum was so very upset
It must have broke her heart
To know her little soldier looked
At pictures of women with their legs apart
My first issue of 'Razzle'
Was ripped up into shreds
And underneath a can of beans
Was the bird from 'Baywatch' giving head